Puke and Poop: Repeat!

This post is about my sick nine-year-old and all the lovely bodily functions that come along with the stomach flu. I understand if you don't want to read or comment, but this is what's going on in my world since yesterday.

My big boy is sick.  It all started yesterday when I went in to wake him up for school and noticed he was kind of moaning in his sleep. I asked him what was up and he said his stomach hurt. I told him to at least try to get up and have breakfast and promised him we'd take it slow and see how he did. Three bites into his waffles, he runs to the bathroom and loses it out of both ends. :( He got a quick shower and went back to bed.  The day was uneventful and by evening he had a great dinner and I figured all would be back to normal this morning, which was good because Wednesdays are pretty busy for me. WRONG!  He puked at 1 am. He puked and pooped himself at 4 am. He pooped himself at 8 am and he pooped himself at 9 am and he pooped himself just now in the bathtub. It has to be a boy thing. My friend said her little girl would flip out if she lost control of herself in her pants or in the tub. My son acts like it's no big deal!!  :/

So, today is all about taking care of him and getting him back to his old self again. DH is out of town for work (which absolutely figures) so it's me against the world today. Bring it! I've got Clorox, Lysol, AND butt wipes. :)

If you are here from ICLW, you can get caught up with what's going on with us here.

Welcome ICLWers and Second Thoughts???

Greetings ICLWers! This is only my second ICLW and it's all still so exciting to me to have new readers, commenters, and followers. I love the love I feel and love to return it! Please leave me a link to your blog or your ICLW number and I will be sure to return the support.

I am 30 and DH is too. We are TTC baby number 3 and found out after the first of the year that due to antisperm antibodies, IVF is our only realistic option to conceive again.  We conceived DSs 1 and 2 while on BC and while NTNP (not trying/not preventing).  TTC has never been a challenge before and through this all, I am humbled and grateful for the friendships I've made and the closeness I have achieved with my husband. I truly believe what Sara says about effects of IF on a marriage when she says, "I didn't know I could connect to the core of my soul with my husband. Infertility really takes a marriage to depths of understanding that only fellow infertiles I think could really get."  You can read the rest of her amazing post here.

As for me, I am moving right along in my IVF cycle and just finished my BCP last week. I have my suppression check on 3/2 and will start stimming on 3/5.  We are scheduled to be PUPO with twins (we hope!) on 3/19.  I have a ticker above to count down the days. It will be here before I know it.  You can read my medications and timeline over here --------------------->.

Today was a good/bad day.  Good because I went up to Guthrie, Oklahoma and saw 29 of the best friends you could ever have at Horse Feathers Equine Rescue. It's a place I'm learning to go to to clear my head and think about others and not be so caught up in myself and SIF all the time.  Each of the 29 horses there has an amazing story and has overcome a lot of neglect and abuse and are now thriving and happy. They give me peace and focus. The work is hard, but the rewards are many.  It was a great couple of hours.

Admittedly, my day started off pretty badly, though as my Lupron injection hurt so bad I cried and it was only AFTER I took the needle out that I realized the freaking thing was bent. I instinctively started to question everything - why we are doing this, what am I doing to my body, why am I making myself hurt and cry and should we keep doing this. 

After a few moments of free-flowing tears, I reminded myself that there is really no turning back for me. I know I can pull the plug on this at any time, but no shot, no bent needle, no hotflash or night sweat is going to keep us from bringing home the baby we  love so much that's been conceived already...in our hearts.

It's Tough Being a Girl

 So, I've said it before and I'll say it again, outing myself  as struggling with IF on Facebook while risky, scary and impossible to undo, has been an excellent choice. I don't talk a lot about what I'm going through and I certainly don't say as much as I do on here, but I say enough that people know.  Even though my intentions were less than pure as you may remember from this post, the effects have been positive and satisfying.  Here is a private message I received just yesterday with my post title being the subject line:

 Aub,


I just wanted to let you know how much I admire you for being so open and honest about what you're going through right now, trying to get pregnant again.


I just went off the pill last month, and I'm a nervous wreck waiting and wondering. One of my best friends just had a baby last month. She got pregnant a month after going off the pill. Another friend of mine has been trying for a year to have baby #2, and is starting to look into treatment options. So I've seen both points of view.


We wanted to wait until x amount of time before we started trying, and then it was like I woke up one day and wanted a baby NOW! That's made it even more frustrating because I want it to happen so bad, and now I wish we would've started trying sooner. Oh well.


I try to be a big believer in "whatever is meant to be will be", but this is definitely testing me.


I'm usually not on Facebook enough during the day to respond to postings as they happen, but I just wanted you to know that I do see them, and I'm thinking about you and praying for you.


Natalie


For some reason, this message made my heart so happy that I chose to speak.  I speak here, believe me, you all know, but to really talk about it and put it out there in a public forum so it cannot be quietly ignored.  If one in ten couples faces IF, then out of almost 600 Facebook friends, sixty of them are affected. To be able to reach out to them and be someone that they can come to publicly or privately is a tremendous blessing.

BCP, Lupron, and Airport Injections

See that?! My last lone birth control pill will be taken tonight and another chapter in this IVF story will be in the books.  I started Lupron injections three days ago and while it's not my favorite thing to do, waking up and sticking myself with a needle, it's not horrible either.  DH even sat in for yesterday's injection. I think he thinks I'm a rockstar. I kind of feel like one.

In other news, I am making a previously unplanned trip back east next week.  My good friend, Kass, her dad is quickly losing his battle with throat cancer and I'm unsure whether he'll still be hanging on or already gone when I get there. Regardless, she needs me and I'm there. Sometimes I think texting and talking does less than sitting together and holding a hand in silence.  She would do the same for me - I have no doubt.

I called Delta yesterday and spoke with a representative about my Lupron and my needles. She said they were okay to bring on with me as carry on as long as everything was still in its original manufacturer's packaging and I had a letter from my doctor saying that I am under his care and taking these medicines.  I thought I would pass that information along to you in case you ever needed to know!  I'm glad they can stay with me because I will need to inject myself when I get to Memphis that morning!  That should be fun.

I hope everyone is having a great week and I am going to continue to enjoy this beautiful sunshine and the fact that (so far) Lupron has been kind and not dealt me too many side effects.  I'm a little crabby, but I'm always a little crabby, so who knows?! :)

Dear Hubby,

(Please bear with me reader - when I set out to write this post, I was thinking of Tupac's "Dear Momma" and I just remembered that I'm awful at rhyme and now the following entry will not live up to previous lofty expectations. Sighs.)


Dear Hubby,

Happy Valentine's Day. I love you so much I bought you slippers and one of those sports bracelets that helps with balance and circulation. I have to admit, I was a little skeptical at first about the whole "improves sports performance" guarantee, but the kiosk dude at the mall did a little demo and it really worked. I stand corrected.  Anyway, I also stood in line at your favorite bakery at the high noon for twenty five minutes just to get you your favorite red velvet cupcake.  I'll probably let you see me naked tonight as well, but that's going to wrap up Valentines festivities for you, kind sir.

I also wanted to take this opportunity to be really nice to you, as it seems that the real Aub is leaving tomorrow and I don't know when she'll be back. I have a feeling that once I stick that little needle into my belly I could be gone for the next three weeks (maybe longer) and I felt it fair warning to tell you that my replacement is going to be mean. Very hormonal. She's going to complain a lot about headaches and hot flashes.  She may wake you up angry because you're sleeping soundly while she sweats to death next to you.  I heard she cries. A lot. And curses under her breath.  Enjoy the rare tender moments with her and check for knives when she pulls you in for a hug.  She'll most definitely remind you constantly that she's losing her mind and that it's unfair that she has to be chemically altered while you stay the same and that her contribution to this joint effort includes needles while yours involves a sterile cup and an orgasm. I recommend not talking unless spoken to by her and steal opportunities to work late or better yet, just go out of town for work.

She won't tell you this, but she owes 90%+ of her happiness over the last ten years to you and your efforts in making this relationship work. Because there were plenty of times that we could have called it quits and walked away from what we have, but I think you and I are both better people for staying. We got all sorts of good stuff here. And the best part of us is definitely our babies. I can't wait to have more of those with you.

Please bear with my replacement Aub. I promise to return soon!

Love Always,

Tuesday<3

P.S. It's a good thing that no sexy time whatsoever will go into the making of these babies because that's not something you'll want to do with replacement Aub. *shakes head emphatically*

More Strange Sleep Antics

Last night was the first night I can ever remember being afraid to go to sleep.  I stayed up late reading and walked around the house aimlessly in an effort NOT go to bed, but at around midnight I succumbed to my drooping eyelids and sluggish posture.  To bed I went.

DH was already asleep and I curled up next to him and drifted off almost immediately (thank you, Tempur-pedic).  Around 3:30, DS2 came in for a drink of water and I carried him back to bed. I am cognizant of this activity.  At around 5, however, I woke up because I was very hot and uncomfortable and lo and behold!! I am wearing a hoodie, zipped to the top with the hood up over my head. WTH? What's worse, there was the chapstick from the night before in one pocket and a wad of toilet paper in the other. Really?! Interesting...

I posted on facebook about it this morning and received a private message from a fellow infertile (of course, I didn't know she was, but since I outed myself as one in that particular forum, they seem to be coming out of the woodwork).  She asked me if I had started on any of my fertility medicines and that she did some strange things in her sleep when she was on injectibles.  My mystery would be all but solved if this were the case.  I'm still just taking bcp and waiting to start the art of injecting on Tuesday.

So what is going on with this sleepwalking crap?

Weird Dreams and A Sock Ninja

Day 19 of my cycle. Sixteen birth control pills down, eight to go. That's about all in this infertiles world right now.  If that's all you're interested in, I recommend not reading the rest of this post. But if you're in for some good old-fashioned hilarity, read on.

I had some weird dreams last night.  Most I can't remember, but a few of their details linger enough to make me wonder what I had eaten before bed to make such strangeness materialize in my subconscious.  One particular dream that happened after the "sock ninja" incident, which I'll inform you of next, was that I delivered my twins at the hospital and we were being discharged and DH came to pick us up in a Prius. He had "surprised" me by trading in our Pilot (eight passengers) for a Prius (four passengers) after I delivered twins bringing our total family members to six. Needless to say, I was irate in the dream, but still woke up happy because I had a dream about my babies!!  I can't wait for them. March 19th cannot come soon enough, I say.

So, while the dreams were strange, my real life sleep actions last night were definitely stranger. I woke up around 4 a.m. and realized I was clutching onto a tube of chap stick in one hand and one of DH's socks in the other.  How random is that?!  Bear in mind, I went to sleep with neither.  What's even funnier is that DH was missing a sock when he woke up! WTF? Did I strip him of his sock in the middle of the night?  Where did the chap stick come from? Am I sleep walking? As my good friend Kara brought up, am I talking while I'm carrying on these strange antics?  I need some sleep surveillance at the very least.

I'm so Raoul Duke sometimes...