Monday, February 21, 2011

Welcome ICLWers and Second Thoughts???

Greetings ICLWers! This is only my second ICLW and it's all still so exciting to me to have new readers, commenters, and followers. I love the love I feel and love to return it! Please leave me a link to your blog or your ICLW number and I will be sure to return the support.

I am 30 and DH is too. We are TTC baby number 3 and found out after the first of the year that due to antisperm antibodies, IVF is our only realistic option to conceive again.  We conceived DSs 1 and 2 while on BC and while NTNP (not trying/not preventing).  TTC has never been a challenge before and through this all, I am humbled and grateful for the friendships I've made and the closeness I have achieved with my husband. I truly believe what Sara says about effects of IF on a marriage when she says, "I didn't know I could connect to the core of my soul with my husband. Infertility really takes a marriage to depths of understanding that only fellow infertiles I think could really get."  You can read the rest of her amazing post here.

As for me, I am moving right along in my IVF cycle and just finished my BCP last week. I have my suppression check on 3/2 and will start stimming on 3/5.  We are scheduled to be PUPO with twins (we hope!) on 3/19.  I have a ticker above to count down the days. It will be here before I know it.  You can read my medications and timeline over here --------------------->.

Today was a good/bad day.  Good because I went up to Guthrie, Oklahoma and saw 29 of the best friends you could ever have at Horse Feathers Equine Rescue. It's a place I'm learning to go to to clear my head and think about others and not be so caught up in myself and SIF all the time.  Each of the 29 horses there has an amazing story and has overcome a lot of neglect and abuse and are now thriving and happy. They give me peace and focus. The work is hard, but the rewards are many.  It was a great couple of hours.

Admittedly, my day started off pretty badly, though as my Lupron injection hurt so bad I cried and it was only AFTER I took the needle out that I realized the freaking thing was bent. I instinctively started to question everything - why we are doing this, what am I doing to my body, why am I making myself hurt and cry and should we keep doing this. 

After a few moments of free-flowing tears, I reminded myself that there is really no turning back for me. I know I can pull the plug on this at any time, but no shot, no bent needle, no hotflash or night sweat is going to keep us from bringing home the baby we  love so much that's been conceived our hearts.


  1. OUCH!! I can't believe the needle was bent! You are right, it will be so worth it when you have that baby in your arms.

    The horse rescue sounds amazing. What a great way to spend some YOU time. :)

  2. Aw that was beautiful there at the end. I often had doubts, too...but it will be soo worth it if it works. Hugs! You can do it!!

  3. I hope the IVF is successful for you!

    ICLW #61

  4. Hi! Julia from "Just Relax"

  5. Thanks for stopping by my blog. Good luck for your IVF cycle. I hope your son is feeling better.

  6. Hey! It made my day to hear that you connected with one of my posts. Thank goodness for hubbies! :) Hopefully the next needle insertions go better.