Monday, February 14, 2011

Dear Hubby,

(Please bear with me reader - when I set out to write this post, I was thinking of Tupac's "Dear Momma" and I just remembered that I'm awful at rhyme and now the following entry will not live up to previous lofty expectations. Sighs.)

Dear Hubby,

Happy Valentine's Day. I love you so much I bought you slippers and one of those sports bracelets that helps with balance and circulation. I have to admit, I was a little skeptical at first about the whole "improves sports performance" guarantee, but the kiosk dude at the mall did a little demo and it really worked. I stand corrected.  Anyway, I also stood in line at your favorite bakery at the high noon for twenty five minutes just to get you your favorite red velvet cupcake.  I'll probably let you see me naked tonight as well, but that's going to wrap up Valentines festivities for you, kind sir.

I also wanted to take this opportunity to be really nice to you, as it seems that the real Aub is leaving tomorrow and I don't know when she'll be back. I have a feeling that once I stick that little needle into my belly I could be gone for the next three weeks (maybe longer) and I felt it fair warning to tell you that my replacement is going to be mean. Very hormonal. She's going to complain a lot about headaches and hot flashes.  She may wake you up angry because you're sleeping soundly while she sweats to death next to you.  I heard she cries. A lot. And curses under her breath.  Enjoy the rare tender moments with her and check for knives when she pulls you in for a hug.  She'll most definitely remind you constantly that she's losing her mind and that it's unfair that she has to be chemically altered while you stay the same and that her contribution to this joint effort includes needles while yours involves a sterile cup and an orgasm. I recommend not talking unless spoken to by her and steal opportunities to work late or better yet, just go out of town for work.

She won't tell you this, but she owes 90%+ of her happiness over the last ten years to you and your efforts in making this relationship work. Because there were plenty of times that we could have called it quits and walked away from what we have, but I think you and I are both better people for staying. We got all sorts of good stuff here. And the best part of us is definitely our babies. I can't wait to have more of those with you.

Please bear with my replacement Aub. I promise to return soon!

Love Always,


P.S. It's a good thing that no sexy time whatsoever will go into the making of these babies because that's not something you'll want to do with replacement Aub. *shakes head emphatically*


  1. I love this post!!! I hope the meds are too harsh on you. Thanks for thinking of me. I think a break will be good too.