Friday, February 18, 2011

It's Tough Being a Girl

 So, I've said it before and I'll say it again, outing myself  as struggling with IF on Facebook while risky, scary and impossible to undo, has been an excellent choice. I don't talk a lot about what I'm going through and I certainly don't say as much as I do on here, but I say enough that people know.  Even though my intentions were less than pure as you may remember from this post, the effects have been positive and satisfying.  Here is a private message I received just yesterday with my post title being the subject line:


I just wanted to let you know how much I admire you for being so open and honest about what you're going through right now, trying to get pregnant again.

I just went off the pill last month, and I'm a nervous wreck waiting and wondering. One of my best friends just had a baby last month. She got pregnant a month after going off the pill. Another friend of mine has been trying for a year to have baby #2, and is starting to look into treatment options. So I've seen both points of view.

We wanted to wait until x amount of time before we started trying, and then it was like I woke up one day and wanted a baby NOW! That's made it even more frustrating because I want it to happen so bad, and now I wish we would've started trying sooner. Oh well.

I try to be a big believer in "whatever is meant to be will be", but this is definitely testing me.

I'm usually not on Facebook enough during the day to respond to postings as they happen, but I just wanted you to know that I do see them, and I'm thinking about you and praying for you.


For some reason, this message made my heart so happy that I chose to speak.  I speak here, believe me, you all know, but to really talk about it and put it out there in a public forum so it cannot be quietly ignored.  If one in ten couples faces IF, then out of almost 600 Facebook friends, sixty of them are affected. To be able to reach out to them and be someone that they can come to publicly or privately is a tremendous blessing.


  1. Isn't it amazing what happens when you out youself? It makes me wonder why it (generally) takes so long for us to speak out about it. It also makes me sad that so many women are afraid to talk about this, when we really need to be a support to each other. Good for you for putting yourself out there!!

  2. I would love to out myself but dh feels unconfortable sharing our struggles on fb. I think itd be freeing but if he's not ok with it than I feel restricted not to share it. I love your posts!! Glad you have had such an amzing resonse!

  3. I know how you feel! I am being more public now, and the support is great! Sometimes people say inappropriate things, but mostly everyone is really nice. Yay!

  4. You are BRAVE! I don't mind telling people in person, and also have had positive feedback, but on coming out of the closet on FB is a whole other thing... a lot of those people I haven't seen for 10 or more years since I was in New Zealand and and I am a scaredy cat!

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  6. Good for you coming out on Facebook! I did that recently too after blogging for almost 4 years and surviving a 5 year journey through SIF and loss. I agree that it is important to put faces and names to the statistics. I am glad to hear that your being so open and honest is giving some of your Facebook friends the opporuntity to connect with you and realize that they are not alone. I can appreciate how validating it is to receive a message like that.

    I wish you the best on your journey through SIF. I know all too well how painful it can be. I hope that your current cycle is the one that finally brings you the child that you want so much. Hang in there!

    Take care,


  7. over from ICLW--i think it's great you're talking about it. once one person starts to, it gives others the courage to do so as well and lets them know they are normal. considering i've heard the stat of it affecting 1 in 6 couples...well, that's a lot of people who need to know they aren't alone and it's ok to talk about it. plus, people who get preg easily need to understand what could have happened--a little public service announcement is a good thing! anyways, good luck with your ivf cycle--i hope it goes fabulously for you!

  8. Wow - I am super impressed that you are "out" on facebook. I recently "liked" the resolve page, and that was a really huge step for me. Not that anyone else would even notice, but...

    what did you say exactly? I don't want to reveal that we are cycling right now, but would like to start opening up a little more. Thanks for being an inspiration!

  9. Thanks girls! I haven't regretted it yet, but I'm sure (as Lisa pointed out) that at least one person will be inappropriate! :)

    Foxy - The day after I turned thirty, I posted as my status that I was heading to the RE to get my uterus mapped and to learn how to give myself belly shots. Then I said, "Yay for being thirty and infertile!!" That got a lot of attention. Then recently I posted about how people say stupid things to others when they don't know what to say about finding out they are struggling to get prego. That led to some pretty funny comments and lots of support, too! :)