I have to believe the statement above because Modest Mouse said so.
The last two days have been hard. I've been feeling this loss so deeply the last 48 hours. It's really confusing because I'll have a few good days and then BAM! It hits me out of nowhere. I should still be pregnant. My baby was such a fighter. She/he should still be hanging on. I knew yesterday would be hard. The dreaded Thursday. I thought today would be better, though. It's Friday. Six whole blissful days until the next dreaded Thursday. It's been hard, though, too. I had to go to the mall and pick up some new things. So many preggos. So many strollers. So many tears in my car afterward. I can't control them. They are everywhere. It's not my intention to control them, just to learn to deal with the fact that they are still pregnant and I am not. I have to be easy on myself. It's only been two weeks.
I'm trying to focus on what I can do. Now. In the meantime. While waiting to cycle again (whenever that will be). While deciding if we will cycle again. So, I've made some plans. And I'd like to share them with you all.
1.) Exercise. I am making exercise a part of my daily life again and yes, I said daily. For six long weeks, I did nothing for fear of losing my baby and (of course) I would do it all over again, but how my body missed being fatigued through exercise! It feels amazing to move again and I've been relishing pilates and runs and brisk walks with the dog in the warm spring air. So amazing to be back out there and be active again!
2.) Travel. Oh the places we will go!! First, I am planning on taking my boys (dog included!) back east at the end of June. We will be visiting friends and family for the whole month of July and not returning to Oklahoma until sometime the first week in August. While in West Virginia, we plan to spend a weekend in North Carolina with my friend, Kassy who has a lake house at Lake Norman. Then, DH and I are headed to The Big Island of Hawai'i for six wonderful nights to celebrate ten beautiful years together. So much love for that man. If he loves me just a tenth of the amount I love him, I am a lucky woman. We are also looking forward to a couples weekend in South Beach with our very best couple friends, the Doaks (Josh and Jenn). That's at the end of August. Family vacation this year will be in November. Taking our boys to Disney World over Thanksgiving break. Wow, for the record we usually don't vacation so much in a year. We need it this year, though!
3.) Change. I am working a lot on me. I want to be the best woman I can for my family, for myself, for my future baby, and for the baby that I lost. Physically, I will do just fine with a balanced diet and exercise. Mentally and emotionally, I will work hard at weekly, as I am seeing a Healing Touch Practitioner, and daily on an individual basis, meditating and praying. It is my wish to start living more in the moment. I have been so focused on TTC, so forward thinking, that I've lost a lot of todays. I want to stop worrying so much about tomorrow. I want to be here. Now. I know what it's going to take out of me emotionally and physically to do another cycle. I'm eyes wide open next time around.
That's why I've decided to move my blog. It will still be public, but I'm not going to give out the url to everyone. This change will take place in June 1. If you are an ALI blog (the Stirrup Queen's Blogroll), I will make the change known on LFCA. If you are not an ALI blog, but are struggling with infertility OR I met you on here or two week wait, I will give you my email and I can get you the new blog addy that way. If I know you in real life, I will not be sharing my new blog with you. Please don't take this personally as it is not my intention to hurt anyone's feelings. I hope you will understand that it is exhausting for me to keep up with everyone when I'm cycling with text updates and the like. I want to be completely focused and I hope that being more private with my next future cycle will bring me less stress. I need to blog about what I am going through, but I need to be surrounded by people who truly understand, who have been there before, who know what it feels like. I'll be more forthcoming with details on the move soon!
And if you made it to the end of this ridiculously long post (sorry!) please enjoy Modest Mouse and remember:
...We'll all float on.
Alright already we'll all float on.
Alright don't worry even if things end up a bit too heavy.
We'll all float on...alright. Already we'll all float on.
Alright already we'll all float on, ok.
Don't worry we'll all float on.
Even if things get heavy, we'll all float on...
Showing posts with label DH. Show all posts
Showing posts with label DH. Show all posts
Friday, May 13, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Ten Days of Company and Looking Ahead
I am not dead :)
Although there were days where I felt mostly dead, I've actually been doing alright the last five or so days. We've had company since the day after my D&C. DH's dad came on Thursday (an already scheduled visit) and he stayed until Tuesday. We got him through ticketing and to the security gate and stood there for about ten minutes waiting for the arrival of my friend Jenn and her little girl (also an already scheduled visit). One person left, two people came. Ten days straight of company continues. It has been nice. I have my moments of feeling sad and crying, but for the most part, having them here has kept me focused and distracted all at the same time.
On Tuesday, I had my post-op with Dr. Awesome RE. It was more of a sit down and discuss. He told me as long as I wasn't bleeding, I can start putting things in my vagina again. Yay! DH and I have definitely capitalized on that ;) It has been nice during a time that is so up and down and emotionally charged to be able to have that closeness with him again. Hooray for some type of normalcy! We also discussed the future and what we thought we would do next in our TTC endeavors. First, we are going to take a break. Dr. Awesome RE recommends two cycles off after a miscarriage. He said if we were ready in July to do a cycle, that would be alright, but nothing before then. DH and I are thinking more along the lines of September. We want to take the summer and enjoy our boys, visit our families back east, take an epic ten year wedding anniversary trip in July (Hawaii!!), get the boys started on their new school year and THEN go back to TTC. There has been too much forward thinking in the last year. We want to live in this moment. Enjoy today.
Well, that's about it as far as what's new with me is concerned. My friend is leaving on Saturday and I'll be back sometime after then to talk about what exactly we plan on doing in September. Stay tuned...
Although there were days where I felt mostly dead, I've actually been doing alright the last five or so days. We've had company since the day after my D&C. DH's dad came on Thursday (an already scheduled visit) and he stayed until Tuesday. We got him through ticketing and to the security gate and stood there for about ten minutes waiting for the arrival of my friend Jenn and her little girl (also an already scheduled visit). One person left, two people came. Ten days straight of company continues. It has been nice. I have my moments of feeling sad and crying, but for the most part, having them here has kept me focused and distracted all at the same time.
On Tuesday, I had my post-op with Dr. Awesome RE. It was more of a sit down and discuss. He told me as long as I wasn't bleeding, I can start putting things in my vagina again. Yay! DH and I have definitely capitalized on that ;) It has been nice during a time that is so up and down and emotionally charged to be able to have that closeness with him again. Hooray for some type of normalcy! We also discussed the future and what we thought we would do next in our TTC endeavors. First, we are going to take a break. Dr. Awesome RE recommends two cycles off after a miscarriage. He said if we were ready in July to do a cycle, that would be alright, but nothing before then. DH and I are thinking more along the lines of September. We want to take the summer and enjoy our boys, visit our families back east, take an epic ten year wedding anniversary trip in July (Hawaii!!), get the boys started on their new school year and THEN go back to TTC. There has been too much forward thinking in the last year. We want to live in this moment. Enjoy today.
Well, that's about it as far as what's new with me is concerned. My friend is leaving on Saturday and I'll be back sometime after then to talk about what exactly we plan on doing in September. Stay tuned...
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Letting Go
My whole body hurts. From the middle of my back to my knees, I feel my whole body gearing up for what I only imagine is going to be one hell of a period. It's getting ready to let go. And I have been, too.
I want to thank you all for your thoughts and sweet comments. Some of you have been cheering me on since my first post. Others, my first injection. Still others, my first beta. I am so appreciative of all of the support I have received during what had been a crazy, bumpy ride.
Truth be told, I think this is coming to an end. I know there's no way to know for sure until my appointment on Monday. Call it mother's intuition, I think my baby is tired. It's okay to let go. I've been telling her since yesterday that if it would be easier to go, I only want her to know first that I've been dreaming about and wanting her for so long and I want nothing more to be her mom, but that I understood.
I will miss this baby every single day. I know it will be hard to deal with, but I have been told a lot by my DH that he thinks I have been strong and handled everything really well. I hope that I can grieve this loss and find a way to go forward. Although it is not the outcome we had hoped, it is an answer and it is a way to move on and start living again.
Oh, my sweet baby....
I want to thank you all for your thoughts and sweet comments. Some of you have been cheering me on since my first post. Others, my first injection. Still others, my first beta. I am so appreciative of all of the support I have received during what had been a crazy, bumpy ride.
Truth be told, I think this is coming to an end. I know there's no way to know for sure until my appointment on Monday. Call it mother's intuition, I think my baby is tired. It's okay to let go. I've been telling her since yesterday that if it would be easier to go, I only want her to know first that I've been dreaming about and wanting her for so long and I want nothing more to be her mom, but that I understood.
I will miss this baby every single day. I know it will be hard to deal with, but I have been told a lot by my DH that he thinks I have been strong and handled everything really well. I hope that I can grieve this loss and find a way to go forward. Although it is not the outcome we had hoped, it is an answer and it is a way to move on and start living again.
Oh, my sweet baby....
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
The Dreaded Red and True Love
Today has been "interesting". What started as any other Tuesday got very scary and then turned out happy. I find myself feeling tired from this roller coaster and wondering what is in store.
At around 12:30, I was sitting at the computer and my low back was aching. It's been hurting since yesterday, but it was giving me some pretty strong tweaks. I also noticed that I was feeling crampy. I went to the bathroom to pee and there it was - blood in my underwear. I peed, wiped (more blood), and when I went to flush, the water was bright pink. I thought this was over. Apparently, I was wrong. I couldn't help it. I started to cry. I started to shake. I started to panic.
I tried reaching DH a few times and didn't have any luck. I called Dr. Awesome RE's office and was instructed to come in for an ultrasound. I then called an older lady from my church who knows about our situation and she came over and drove me. I thank God for putting people in my life that I can call for help when I need it. I finally reached DH and he agreed to meet me at the office. He asked that I wait for him to do the ultrasound. I asked him to please hurry as I didn't want to sit waiting there for any longer than absolutely necessary.
DH arrived 15 minutes after I got there with a sprained ankle. Apparently, he was working out at lunch and that's why I couldn't reach him. When he finally got back to me and got the news, he took off running to his car and twisted his ankle. Dr. Awesome RE's nurse was nice enough to get him a bag of ice. We were ready for Captain Condom Wand. I took a deep breath, grabbed DH's hand in a death grip and looked away. I was too afraid to naively look wide-eyed at the screen. A few seconds later, Dr. Awesome RE told me to look at the screen.
One gestational sac, measuring right on track. One yolk sac. One perfect little baby with a fluttering heart. Every single up and down and sleepless night and bad dream and breakdown melted away in that instant.
We are in love.
And I am on bedrest. For at least until my next ultrasound.
At around 12:30, I was sitting at the computer and my low back was aching. It's been hurting since yesterday, but it was giving me some pretty strong tweaks. I also noticed that I was feeling crampy. I went to the bathroom to pee and there it was - blood in my underwear. I peed, wiped (more blood), and when I went to flush, the water was bright pink. I thought this was over. Apparently, I was wrong. I couldn't help it. I started to cry. I started to shake. I started to panic.
I tried reaching DH a few times and didn't have any luck. I called Dr. Awesome RE's office and was instructed to come in for an ultrasound. I then called an older lady from my church who knows about our situation and she came over and drove me. I thank God for putting people in my life that I can call for help when I need it. I finally reached DH and he agreed to meet me at the office. He asked that I wait for him to do the ultrasound. I asked him to please hurry as I didn't want to sit waiting there for any longer than absolutely necessary.
DH arrived 15 minutes after I got there with a sprained ankle. Apparently, he was working out at lunch and that's why I couldn't reach him. When he finally got back to me and got the news, he took off running to his car and twisted his ankle. Dr. Awesome RE's nurse was nice enough to get him a bag of ice. We were ready for Captain Condom Wand. I took a deep breath, grabbed DH's hand in a death grip and looked away. I was too afraid to naively look wide-eyed at the screen. A few seconds later, Dr. Awesome RE told me to look at the screen.
One gestational sac, measuring right on track. One yolk sac. One perfect little baby with a fluttering heart. Every single up and down and sleepless night and bad dream and breakdown melted away in that instant.
We are in love.
And I am on bedrest. For at least until my next ultrasound.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Too Scared to Screw?
Yep. This post is about sex. Feel free not to read if it makes you uncomfortable. It needs to be blogged about because it's kind of what's NOT been going on around here. I won't be offended if you don't read or comment. It's all good. :)
So the night before my first beta (the disappointing 31) DH and I BDed. It had been so long and we were getting "snappy" toward one another which tends to happen when we go so long without the sexy time. I believe it had been since a few days before ER, so we were going on sixteen days - 16 DAYS, peeps! (I didn't get married to be celebate, you know!) So, we BDed and were feeling quite happy with ourselves and excited for the next day's awesome beta and all the happiness which was to follow.
Then the next day's beta stunk (by fertility clinic's standards) and the following morning, I started to bleed. The bleeding continued for a week and so did all the uncertainty around what the heck was going on and we were emotionally, as well as physically, D.O.N.E. However, my numbers were doubling as they were expected and the bleeding, although heavy, was never painful with large clots, so technically, everything was going along as it was supposed to. Still, we refrained from any form of boudoir fun.
It stuck in the back of both of our minds that maybe if we hadn't BDed that one night, the bleeding may never had happened. (Of course, this is ridiculous, but we were grasping for reasons and causes for what we felt was a pretty unnatural occurence in pregnancy.) Last night, the subject of it all came up and DH said that although he wanted nothing more than to BD, he didn't want to be the cause of any problem that might compromise a pretty fragile condition. We decided to wait until after the u/s to make sure that we weren't up against anything that would make Dr. Awesome RE use the term "pelvic rest". It seemed like the most logical thing to do and although we knew it would be diffcult, we were committed to making sure everything was A-okay first.
It's going to be a loooong 9 days.....
So the night before my first beta (the disappointing 31) DH and I BDed. It had been so long and we were getting "snappy" toward one another which tends to happen when we go so long without the sexy time. I believe it had been since a few days before ER, so we were going on sixteen days - 16 DAYS, peeps! (I didn't get married to be celebate, you know!) So, we BDed and were feeling quite happy with ourselves and excited for the next day's awesome beta and all the happiness which was to follow.
Then the next day's beta stunk (by fertility clinic's standards) and the following morning, I started to bleed. The bleeding continued for a week and so did all the uncertainty around what the heck was going on and we were emotionally, as well as physically, D.O.N.E. However, my numbers were doubling as they were expected and the bleeding, although heavy, was never painful with large clots, so technically, everything was going along as it was supposed to. Still, we refrained from any form of boudoir fun.
It stuck in the back of both of our minds that maybe if we hadn't BDed that one night, the bleeding may never had happened. (Of course, this is ridiculous, but we were grasping for reasons and causes for what we felt was a pretty unnatural occurence in pregnancy.) Last night, the subject of it all came up and DH said that although he wanted nothing more than to BD, he didn't want to be the cause of any problem that might compromise a pretty fragile condition. We decided to wait until after the u/s to make sure that we weren't up against anything that would make Dr. Awesome RE use the term "pelvic rest". It seemed like the most logical thing to do and although we knew it would be diffcult, we were committed to making sure everything was A-okay first.
It's going to be a loooong 9 days.....
Friday, April 8, 2011
Bad Dreams...
I tend to dream a lot when I'm really tired. It makes sense that in pregnancy I would dream more because by the time my head hits the pillow at night, I'm exhausted. For the last ten or more nights, I've been dreaming a lot.
A few days ago, I realized that my friend Jenn's visit was coiniciding with Cinco de Mayo. I sent her a text and we talked a little about it and she playfully said, "No cocktails for you, mama!" I agreed that this year, I would be DD. Well, last night I dreamed about Cinco de Mayo and I was having margaritas with her...
DH and I are going away for our ten year anniversary in July and the whole trip is a big surprise to me. I know that there is a trip, but I have no clue where we are going and don't plan on knowing until we get on the plane. I dreamed last night that we went to Italy and we were both having wine and eating pizza in Naples.
Not horrible dreams by any means - celebrating with my husband and having some drinks with a grilfriend, but the point was - I wasn't pregnant. By the time, May rolled around (in my dream) I was having a few drinks. My mind is playing horrible tricks on me. Making me even more fearful that this will all end either at my next beta or at my first ultrasound. Why can't there ever be peace of mind? Will there always be something unnecessary to worry about? Obviously, throughout pregnancy there are many worries because so much can go wrong, but DH and I are feeling robbed of the simple joy of being pregnant and looking forward.
I feel like I'm stuck until the 18th. It's very frustrating.
**Asking that everyone please keep my close friend in your thoughts and prayers - she's been struggling to conceive for many years and is taking a few months off from TTC and moving on to IVF in the late summer.**
A few days ago, I realized that my friend Jenn's visit was coiniciding with Cinco de Mayo. I sent her a text and we talked a little about it and she playfully said, "No cocktails for you, mama!" I agreed that this year, I would be DD. Well, last night I dreamed about Cinco de Mayo and I was having margaritas with her...
DH and I are going away for our ten year anniversary in July and the whole trip is a big surprise to me. I know that there is a trip, but I have no clue where we are going and don't plan on knowing until we get on the plane. I dreamed last night that we went to Italy and we were both having wine and eating pizza in Naples.
Not horrible dreams by any means - celebrating with my husband and having some drinks with a grilfriend, but the point was - I wasn't pregnant. By the time, May rolled around (in my dream) I was having a few drinks. My mind is playing horrible tricks on me. Making me even more fearful that this will all end either at my next beta or at my first ultrasound. Why can't there ever be peace of mind? Will there always be something unnecessary to worry about? Obviously, throughout pregnancy there are many worries because so much can go wrong, but DH and I are feeling robbed of the simple joy of being pregnant and looking forward.
I feel like I'm stuck until the 18th. It's very frustrating.
**Asking that everyone please keep my close friend in your thoughts and prayers - she's been struggling to conceive for many years and is taking a few months off from TTC and moving on to IVF in the late summer.**
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Sweet Morning Texts and Beating the Control
Me: Morning :) I am still pregnant.
DH: Morning. Good. Go eat bfast good for baby.
This is how DH and I said good morning to each other. He'll be back tomorrow night and I can't wait to see him.
My bleeding has stopped. ADIOS! Don't come back now, ya hear?
And I thought I would just show you all that I beat the control line's butt this morning. I'm feeling happy and optimistic for a change.
And here is me! At 5 weeks 2 days and dressed, ready to go out the door and looking like a human being for the first time in ten days.
GO ME!!!
DH: Morning. Good. Go eat bfast good for baby.
This is how DH and I said good morning to each other. He'll be back tomorrow night and I can't wait to see him.
My bleeding has stopped. ADIOS! Don't come back now, ya hear?
And I thought I would just show you all that I beat the control line's butt this morning. I'm feeling happy and optimistic for a change.
And here is me! At 5 weeks 2 days and dressed, ready to go out the door and looking like a human being for the first time in ten days.
GO ME!!!
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
More Good News
I decided to go in yesterday for another beta instead of waiting until today. DH was scheduled to leave for work in Louisiana this morning and he encouraged me to get tested yesterday so that if the results were not good, he would just cancel his trip. Well, I am happy to report that he left this morning. :)
My beta yesterday was 481. Had it gone to 420, it would have technically met the requirement of "doubling". It went 61 above that! I don't think anyone can say that this baby isn't a fighter. The nurses are optimistic, my progress is good. They gave me the "go ahead" to schedule my first u/s, which I did - April 18th!! I was also told that if I wanted to come in for one more beta for peace of mind, I could. I plan on doing that next Monday. Until then, I have my pee sticks and symptoms to monitor and obsess over. My bleeding is now spotting and for that, I am so grateful. Now, if it would just GO AWAY...
In this moment, I am pregnant and I plan on enjoying every moment that I am. I still have fears and some doubts (I just want to see my baby!!) but DH and I decided that if yesterday's beta was good, we were going to graduate to somewhere between optimistic and excited. We are currently opticited.
Here are some pee sticks showing progression. Top and second are both 15DP5DT, third is 16DP5DT, and bottom is this morning's 17DP5DT:
And a digi for good measure:
My beta yesterday was 481. Had it gone to 420, it would have technically met the requirement of "doubling". It went 61 above that! I don't think anyone can say that this baby isn't a fighter. The nurses are optimistic, my progress is good. They gave me the "go ahead" to schedule my first u/s, which I did - April 18th!! I was also told that if I wanted to come in for one more beta for peace of mind, I could. I plan on doing that next Monday. Until then, I have my pee sticks and symptoms to monitor and obsess over. My bleeding is now spotting and for that, I am so grateful. Now, if it would just GO AWAY...
In this moment, I am pregnant and I plan on enjoying every moment that I am. I still have fears and some doubts (I just want to see my baby!!) but DH and I decided that if yesterday's beta was good, we were going to graduate to somewhere between optimistic and excited. We are currently opticited.
Here are some pee sticks showing progression. Top and second are both 15DP5DT, third is 16DP5DT, and bottom is this morning's 17DP5DT:
And a digi for good measure:
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Location: Limbo
That's where I am right now. In between. Unable to look forward, unable to cope and heal.
DH and I grieved hard on Tuesday. We cried together, held each other, stared into each others eyes. So full of hurt, both seeing our own eyes looking back at us. We were hardly coming to terms with what was happening but we were coping. We were working through the pain and picking up the pieces in an attempt to heal and move on.
Now we can't even do that. We showered together last night (that's where we have our best conversations) and he said to me, "This is stupid. Your beta doubled, but you're bleeding. If I could get past the bleeding, I still worry about your beta being low." It's true. We haven't a clue how to feel or what to think. We are in the gray area.
I was able to get my beta moved up to Friday (tomorrow). I will be sure to let you know what's going on as soon as I know. In the meantime, I am still bleeding pretty heavily. It's bright red and can be compared to a heavier-ish day of AF. I went ahead and POAS this morning. I wanted to see if there was any progression at all. Up until this point, I have been a proactive patient in my IVF and I plan to be to the end. I didn't POAS Wednesday morning because I was sure my beta would show dropping Hcg levels and it would be over. The first pic is 9DP5DT, the second is 10DP5DT, the last is this morning's 12DP5DT.
Talk about total confusion. Today's test is blazing in comparison. And I had to dip it in a cup of pee that looked like fruit punch - it was so red. Sorry if TMI, but this is what I'm dealing with.
I am afraid. Please pray for my baby.
DH and I grieved hard on Tuesday. We cried together, held each other, stared into each others eyes. So full of hurt, both seeing our own eyes looking back at us. We were hardly coming to terms with what was happening but we were coping. We were working through the pain and picking up the pieces in an attempt to heal and move on.
Now we can't even do that. We showered together last night (that's where we have our best conversations) and he said to me, "This is stupid. Your beta doubled, but you're bleeding. If I could get past the bleeding, I still worry about your beta being low." It's true. We haven't a clue how to feel or what to think. We are in the gray area.
I was able to get my beta moved up to Friday (tomorrow). I will be sure to let you know what's going on as soon as I know. In the meantime, I am still bleeding pretty heavily. It's bright red and can be compared to a heavier-ish day of AF. I went ahead and POAS this morning. I wanted to see if there was any progression at all. Up until this point, I have been a proactive patient in my IVF and I plan to be to the end. I didn't POAS Wednesday morning because I was sure my beta would show dropping Hcg levels and it would be over. The first pic is 9DP5DT, the second is 10DP5DT, the last is this morning's 12DP5DT.
Talk about total confusion. Today's test is blazing in comparison. And I had to dip it in a cup of pee that looked like fruit punch - it was so red. Sorry if TMI, but this is what I'm dealing with.
I am afraid. Please pray for my baby.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Kleptomania and The Love of Basketball
A snippet of conversation from before bed last night:
(The scene is a master bedroom with a king-sized bed and a handsome devil of a husband laying propped against some pillows and reading Wikipedia on his Ipod. His wife enters the room, slightly vexed, and says,)
ME - Umm, I need to talk to you about something that could be a problem.
DH - Okay.
ME - Well, I went to get my progesterone checked today and I took DS2 with me and there was a little stress ball by where they draw blood that looked like a basketball. I assume that people who don't bring their veins to their blood draw squeeze on the ball and...you get my point.....so, DS2 takes the ball and starts playing with it and the nurse does her thing with poking a hole in my arm and then she tapes me up and says to DS2, 'I need that back if you don't mind.' They then start throwing the little basketball back and forth and I say, 'DS2, we need to go pick up DS1. Put the ball back on the table and let's head out.' The nurse and I talk a little about my progesterone and whatnot and then we leave.
DH - What is the point of this moronic story?
ME - I'm trying to tell you!! She asked for the ball back and I thought he put it back on the table, but I just looked in my purse for chap stick and look what I found!! (pulls out little basketball from behind back) Our son stole the basketball from the fertility clinic. HE STOLE THE BALL!!!! OUR SON STEALS!!!!!
DH - He didn't steal that ball. I took it on Saturday when we went in for our embryo transfer.
ME - What would possess you take the basketball?
DH - Because I thought DS2 would like it.
(Scene ends)
Albeit a completely pointless tale, I just had to share. :D :D :D :D :D
(The scene is a master bedroom with a king-sized bed and a handsome devil of a husband laying propped against some pillows and reading Wikipedia on his Ipod. His wife enters the room, slightly vexed, and says,)
ME - Umm, I need to talk to you about something that could be a problem.
DH - Okay.
ME - Well, I went to get my progesterone checked today and I took DS2 with me and there was a little stress ball by where they draw blood that looked like a basketball. I assume that people who don't bring their veins to their blood draw squeeze on the ball and...you get my point.....so, DS2 takes the ball and starts playing with it and the nurse does her thing with poking a hole in my arm and then she tapes me up and says to DS2, 'I need that back if you don't mind.' They then start throwing the little basketball back and forth and I say, 'DS2, we need to go pick up DS1. Put the ball back on the table and let's head out.' The nurse and I talk a little about my progesterone and whatnot and then we leave.
DH - What is the point of this moronic story?
ME - I'm trying to tell you!! She asked for the ball back and I thought he put it back on the table, but I just looked in my purse for chap stick and look what I found!! (pulls out little basketball from behind back) Our son stole the basketball from the fertility clinic. HE STOLE THE BALL!!!! OUR SON STEALS!!!!!
DH - He didn't steal that ball. I took it on Saturday when we went in for our embryo transfer.
ME - What would possess you take the basketball?
DH - Because I thought DS2 would like it.
(Scene ends)
Albeit a completely pointless tale, I just had to share. :D :D :D :D :D
Saturday, March 19, 2011
PUPO with Twins!!
Sorry it's taken me so long today to update you all on the transfer. We went in at nine a.m. and had to wait a little while for the retrieval that was scheduled ahead of us to finish. My appointment was for 9:30, but we didn't get called back until close to ten. Needless to say, I was more than anxious at that point!
We went into a conference area with Dr. Awesome RE and he informed us that we had two Grade C embryos ready for transfer. I immediately wondered why they weren't an A or even a B. (I mean, come on, my husband is an engineer and while I lack a wealth of book smarts, I have incredible life skills and am full of common sense.) Dr. Awesome RE said that although As and Bs were not impossible, he rarely saw any embryos receive such high marks there. Their grading criteria is very harsh and Cs and even Ds are what he mainly transfers. I had read a few other blogs where they had A+ embryos for transfer and while, kudos for them, I actually felt really good knowing that ours had gone through a very difficult grading system and came out with the marks that they did. No worrying! Not today!
We went back to the area where I was placed to await ER and I was told to strip down from the waist down and that DH could put on some scrubs over his clothes. I snapped this picture of us before we got ready:
Then we got all dressed (or undressed as it was for me!) and ready. I snapped this pic of DH and Dr. Awesome RE:
After that, I was wheeled into the OR where I had just had my ER on Monday. They kept me on the stretcher for the whole thing to keep me from having to get up afterward. Dr. Awesome RE placed a speculum (think pap smear) into my vagina and then started squirting down my lady parts with saline and talking about how he was creating as sterile an environment for the catheter with the embabies as possible. After the douching, he showed us the catheter that he would be using to insert into my uterus via my cervix. There are actually two catheters: a white outer one for insertion and a clear smaller one that goes inside of the white one that would have the embabies in it. Once he positioned the white catheter, he asked the embryologist to get the clear one with the embabies, a.k.a. the "loaded" one, from the lab next door. When she returned holding that little clear tube, I lost it. I started bawling. I couldn't believe that my babies were in there! He inserted the clear tube into the white one, pushed the plunger on the end and voila! I was pregnant with twins. DH was so sweet. He kept a hold of my hand and wiped my tears with his other one. I was very unprepared for all of my emotions, so I was happy to have his hand as a kleenex. :)
That was it. Took all of five minutes We hugged and kissed when we got back to our little holding area and closed the curtain. DH went on and on about how cool it was (I knew it would hit him eventually!). I laid there for an hour and then we came home. Like nothing had even happened. But everything has happened. I've got two little babies inside of me. Please pray that they snuggle down next to their mama and grow.
Love to all...
We went into a conference area with Dr. Awesome RE and he informed us that we had two Grade C embryos ready for transfer. I immediately wondered why they weren't an A or even a B. (I mean, come on, my husband is an engineer and while I lack a wealth of book smarts, I have incredible life skills and am full of common sense.) Dr. Awesome RE said that although As and Bs were not impossible, he rarely saw any embryos receive such high marks there. Their grading criteria is very harsh and Cs and even Ds are what he mainly transfers. I had read a few other blogs where they had A+ embryos for transfer and while, kudos for them, I actually felt really good knowing that ours had gone through a very difficult grading system and came out with the marks that they did. No worrying! Not today!
We went back to the area where I was placed to await ER and I was told to strip down from the waist down and that DH could put on some scrubs over his clothes. I snapped this picture of us before we got ready:
Awe....the mama and the papa :)
Then we got all dressed (or undressed as it was for me!) and ready. I snapped this pic of DH and Dr. Awesome RE:
Spacemen
After that, I was wheeled into the OR where I had just had my ER on Monday. They kept me on the stretcher for the whole thing to keep me from having to get up afterward. Dr. Awesome RE placed a speculum (think pap smear) into my vagina and then started squirting down my lady parts with saline and talking about how he was creating as sterile an environment for the catheter with the embabies as possible. After the douching, he showed us the catheter that he would be using to insert into my uterus via my cervix. There are actually two catheters: a white outer one for insertion and a clear smaller one that goes inside of the white one that would have the embabies in it. Once he positioned the white catheter, he asked the embryologist to get the clear one with the embabies, a.k.a. the "loaded" one, from the lab next door. When she returned holding that little clear tube, I lost it. I started bawling. I couldn't believe that my babies were in there! He inserted the clear tube into the white one, pushed the plunger on the end and voila! I was pregnant with twins. DH was so sweet. He kept a hold of my hand and wiped my tears with his other one. I was very unprepared for all of my emotions, so I was happy to have his hand as a kleenex. :)
That was it. Took all of five minutes We hugged and kissed when we got back to our little holding area and closed the curtain. DH went on and on about how cool it was (I knew it would hit him eventually!). I laid there for an hour and then we came home. Like nothing had even happened. But everything has happened. I've got two little babies inside of me. Please pray that they snuggle down next to their mama and grow.
Love to all...
Monday, March 14, 2011
Egg Retrieval and the Anesthesiologist of my Dreams...
Today was the big day!! All these shots, hormones, emotions, and heavy ovaries culminated in what ended up being a very anti-climatic egg retrieval. Yat for that! I slept well last night. I woke up at five and didn't go back to sleep after that, but the alarm was set for 6:15 and my anxiety kept me occupied for that hour and fifteen minutes. All was good.
I showered, dressed, straightened my hair, put on a little make-up and we were out the door at 7oh3. We arrived at the fertility institute and I was in my gown, IVed up, cracking jokes with Dr. Awesome RE and shaking hands with Mr. Anesthesiologist by quartertuh8. I kissed DH goodbye and stopped to pee on the way into the OR room (which was only about twenty paces from where I left DH). I had mixed emotions about him being so close to the room where they were going to be jabbing my lady parts with needles. What if I screamed or cried or called out to him during the procedure? I remember my friend Lisa saying that she felt everything during her retrieval and going from her experience, I was going to need a stick to bite down on or at least an inflatable clown to punch.
Once in the room, I put my legs into these cradles which were similar to stirrups, but oddly comfy and Dr. Awesome RE kept me covered while he prepped the u/s machine which I found to be very thoughtful of him. What if my vagina had a case of the Mondays and wasn't ready for its close up just yet? He really does think of everything. :) Dr. Anesthesiologist man offered me up a morning martini that I just couldn't refuse. While we waited for the drugs to work their magic (which I was still skeptical that they would), I asked RE if he would work quickly because I was hungry and there was a Panera Bread across the street from the hospital that was calling my name. A playful conversation ensued with everyone in the OR sharing what their favorite bagel/bagel toppings were from there. Shortly after I declared, "Cinnamon Crunch bagel with butter," I passed out. C.O.L.D.
I woke up with a Sprite in my hand and my DH by my side. (How is THAT for service??) Our conversation went a little like this:
Me: Is it over?
DH: Yeah.
Me: How many eggs did we get?
DH: Fifteen.
Two minutes later...
Me: How many eggs did we get?
DH: Fifteen.
Me: *sips Sprite.
Two minutes later...
Me: How many eggs did we get?
DH: Fifteen, Aub.
Me: Oh right.........................................so, how many eggs then?
DH: Fifteen. Listen, I gotta go make dirty with this here cup.
Yeah, it took a while for me to retain any facts pertaining to the retrieval. What I DO know is this:
~ I slept the whole time and have no recollection at all of the procedure. For that I am eternally grateful to the man who calls himself "Anesthesiologist".
~ Wow for fifteen eggs! I knew I had it in me. (Really, I knew I had them in there. There was every bit of fifteen eggs in my swollen, heavy ovaries.)
~ In a fertility institute, twenty minutes from where I sit blogging......I have babies. How awesome is that?!
Will receive fertilization report in the morning. Can't wait to update you all then.
I showered, dressed, straightened my hair, put on a little make-up and we were out the door at 7oh3. We arrived at the fertility institute and I was in my gown, IVed up, cracking jokes with Dr. Awesome RE and shaking hands with Mr. Anesthesiologist by quartertuh8. I kissed DH goodbye and stopped to pee on the way into the OR room (which was only about twenty paces from where I left DH). I had mixed emotions about him being so close to the room where they were going to be jabbing my lady parts with needles. What if I screamed or cried or called out to him during the procedure? I remember my friend Lisa saying that she felt everything during her retrieval and going from her experience, I was going to need a stick to bite down on or at least an inflatable clown to punch.
Once in the room, I put my legs into these cradles which were similar to stirrups, but oddly comfy and Dr. Awesome RE kept me covered while he prepped the u/s machine which I found to be very thoughtful of him. What if my vagina had a case of the Mondays and wasn't ready for its close up just yet? He really does think of everything. :) Dr. Anesthesiologist man offered me up a morning martini that I just couldn't refuse. While we waited for the drugs to work their magic (which I was still skeptical that they would), I asked RE if he would work quickly because I was hungry and there was a Panera Bread across the street from the hospital that was calling my name. A playful conversation ensued with everyone in the OR sharing what their favorite bagel/bagel toppings were from there. Shortly after I declared, "Cinnamon Crunch bagel with butter," I passed out. C.O.L.D.
I woke up with a Sprite in my hand and my DH by my side. (How is THAT for service??) Our conversation went a little like this:
Me: Is it over?
DH: Yeah.
Me: How many eggs did we get?
DH: Fifteen.
Two minutes later...
Me: How many eggs did we get?
DH: Fifteen.
Me: *sips Sprite.
Two minutes later...
Me: How many eggs did we get?
DH: Fifteen, Aub.
Me: Oh right.........................................so, how many eggs then?
DH: Fifteen. Listen, I gotta go make dirty with this here cup.
Yeah, it took a while for me to retain any facts pertaining to the retrieval. What I DO know is this:
~ I slept the whole time and have no recollection at all of the procedure. For that I am eternally grateful to the man who calls himself "Anesthesiologist".
~ Wow for fifteen eggs! I knew I had it in me. (Really, I knew I had them in there. There was every bit of fifteen eggs in my swollen, heavy ovaries.)
~ In a fertility institute, twenty minutes from where I sit blogging......I have babies. How awesome is that?!
Will receive fertilization report in the morning. Can't wait to update you all then.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
In Awe & Very, Very Thankful
With tomorrow's ER looming overhead, I find myself feeling very emotional. Of course, I could attribute everything to my hormones and think nothing more of it, but what I'm feeling goes so much deeper than just high estrogen levels.
I feel in awe of the events that are about to take place in the next twenty four hours. I feel grateful for the opportunity to expand our family and fulfill our dreams of another child. I feel privileged to have this chance of motherhood again.
I am in awe of God for creating man with the ability to develop technologies such as IVF and therefore the loving provision of helping those who are unable to conceive naturally the fair shake to become biological parents. As much as I give credit to my amazing doctor and his team of highly skilled scientists, the real praise goes to God for his gift of life and all the blessings and benefits that come along with such a precious gift.
As a mother of two little boys, I find myself thinking of them, their needs, and how this is going to affect them and I feel so excited for them to be big brothers tomorrow! DS1 has been a big brother for more than five years now, but for DS2 to become one tomorrow is a huge deal to me. Their lives are going to change forever and I hope their new sibling(s) bring them so much joy. This is the last night of just the four of us. Wonderful, epic changes are about to take place!
I feel so much love for my husband and the fact that because of us, new lives will be created soon. It's so exciting to think about these babies and what they will be, who they will look like, and how much they are already loved and adored. I love sharing my life with such a wonderful man. He is a great dad. Not to mention we make totally gorgeous kids together (pats self on back!). I have truly never felt so close to him. Through all the TTC heartache, he has been my rock and I love and respect the person that he is and that he has become over these last (almost) ten years of marriage. I am awed by my husband.
Rarely do I ever strike a sentimental chord, so bear with me for all the warm fuzzies. I'm sure I'll be back to my sinister, sarcastic self in no time. Just allow me this moment of reflection and appreciation.
Cannot wait to update you all on ER tomorrow!
I feel in awe of the events that are about to take place in the next twenty four hours. I feel grateful for the opportunity to expand our family and fulfill our dreams of another child. I feel privileged to have this chance of motherhood again.
I am in awe of God for creating man with the ability to develop technologies such as IVF and therefore the loving provision of helping those who are unable to conceive naturally the fair shake to become biological parents. As much as I give credit to my amazing doctor and his team of highly skilled scientists, the real praise goes to God for his gift of life and all the blessings and benefits that come along with such a precious gift.
As a mother of two little boys, I find myself thinking of them, their needs, and how this is going to affect them and I feel so excited for them to be big brothers tomorrow! DS1 has been a big brother for more than five years now, but for DS2 to become one tomorrow is a huge deal to me. Their lives are going to change forever and I hope their new sibling(s) bring them so much joy. This is the last night of just the four of us. Wonderful, epic changes are about to take place!
I feel so much love for my husband and the fact that because of us, new lives will be created soon. It's so exciting to think about these babies and what they will be, who they will look like, and how much they are already loved and adored. I love sharing my life with such a wonderful man. He is a great dad. Not to mention we make totally gorgeous kids together (pats self on back!). I have truly never felt so close to him. Through all the TTC heartache, he has been my rock and I love and respect the person that he is and that he has become over these last (almost) ten years of marriage. I am awed by my husband.
Rarely do I ever strike a sentimental chord, so bear with me for all the warm fuzzies. I'm sure I'll be back to my sinister, sarcastic self in no time. Just allow me this moment of reflection and appreciation.
Cannot wait to update you all on ER tomorrow!
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Follie Check Tres and OhhhEmmmGeee
This morning was my third and final follie check! Bright and early, I dragged my ovaries to the appointment. They are so heavy and full. Blood draw same as usual. U/s - not so usual. We lubed up the dildo cam and took a look at the right ovary. Dr. Awesome RE said he was happy with anything over a "10" and he measured around 7 follies all 13mm and above. He moved over to the left ovary and the first words out of his mouth were, "You need to come in Monday for retrieval." On the screen were 3 huge black circles. These suckers measured 23mm plus (averaged down to 20mm or so)! No wonder I'm feeling so full and uncomfortable! Yikes! He wasn't concerned, but the change in schedule concerned me. I'm a planner and I had previously been planning on a Monday retrieval. When my appointments started this week, however, they kept saying it wouldn't be until Tuesday, so I planned for Tuesday. Now it's back to Monday and I feel so ill-prepared!! I was going to cook all day Monday and get some last minute errands ran and whatnot. So much for that, right?!
A few hours ago, Awesome nurse Karen called to say that my estrogen was 2176. TWENTY ONE SEVENTY SIX!!!! Holy hormones, batman! This is where they want it to be, but I'm sure DH would like it much, MUCH lower. :)
So, tonight at eight o'clock sharp, I will trigger with the Ovidrel. Tomorrow, I get to take one blissful day off from shots. Hallelujah.
Of course, Monday will welcome the start of the really fun shots. Progesterone in oil. Right in the a$$. Can't wait.
A few hours ago, Awesome nurse Karen called to say that my estrogen was 2176. TWENTY ONE SEVENTY SIX!!!! Holy hormones, batman! This is where they want it to be, but I'm sure DH would like it much, MUCH lower. :)
So, tonight at eight o'clock sharp, I will trigger with the Ovidrel. Tomorrow, I get to take one blissful day off from shots. Hallelujah.
Of course, Monday will welcome the start of the really fun shots. Progesterone in oil. Right in the a$$. Can't wait.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Follie Check Numero Dos
Happy Friday and can I get a "Thank Jeebus, this week of stimming is coming to an end?!!" Holy ovaries! I've been handling things well (for the most part) but these emotions and these ovaries are heavy and intense.
Yesterday, I had a follie check. Twelve follicles measuring 8.5 to 15.8. Dr. Awesome RE was giddy with excitement over it all. All of it. My lady parts are "gorgeous" and everything is going "perfectly". Twice, I caught DH rolling his eyes, but I think he's just jealous that nobody is up in his manhood using such terms. In reality, I just think that my RE has a lot of ladies who don't respond well to the meds and maybe that's why he is so excited over it all. My lining was 10 and that's a great thing, too. They called a few hours laer to say to stay the same course with my Menopur (1mL to two vials of powder = 150mL dosing) and that my estrogen was 915.
Let us briefly review. Nine days ago, my estrogen was 38. Six days later, it was 358. Forty eight hours later, it was 915. To me, that makes laying on the floor of my closet and bawling last night perfectly legit. Dr. Awesome RE confirmed with DH that me being emotional is a perfectly normal response to all these hormones coursing through my veins. Again, DH rolls his eyes. I think he'd rather think I was crazy, which would make his less than warm response to my antics justifiable. But I digress. He thinks, I feel. I'm yin, he's yang. I say tomay - toe, he says tomah - toe. And so on and so on.
Last follie check bright and early tomorrow morning! Will update after!
Yesterday, I had a follie check. Twelve follicles measuring 8.5 to 15.8. Dr. Awesome RE was giddy with excitement over it all. All of it. My lady parts are "gorgeous" and everything is going "perfectly". Twice, I caught DH rolling his eyes, but I think he's just jealous that nobody is up in his manhood using such terms. In reality, I just think that my RE has a lot of ladies who don't respond well to the meds and maybe that's why he is so excited over it all. My lining was 10 and that's a great thing, too. They called a few hours laer to say to stay the same course with my Menopur (1mL to two vials of powder = 150mL dosing) and that my estrogen was 915.
Let us briefly review. Nine days ago, my estrogen was 38. Six days later, it was 358. Forty eight hours later, it was 915. To me, that makes laying on the floor of my closet and bawling last night perfectly legit. Dr. Awesome RE confirmed with DH that me being emotional is a perfectly normal response to all these hormones coursing through my veins. Again, DH rolls his eyes. I think he'd rather think I was crazy, which would make his less than warm response to my antics justifiable. But I digress. He thinks, I feel. I'm yin, he's yang. I say tomay - toe, he says tomah - toe. And so on and so on.
Last follie check bright and early tomorrow morning! Will update after!
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Mama Mia!
Yesterday, I asked DH if he would come home from work and kindly slap me in the face. The kind of slap that you reserve for those, "What were you thinking?" moments. For example, "Honey, I contacted a real estate agent and went house hunting today. I found a few houses I want you to see." SLAP! "Why would you do that? We aren't settling down here. It took us forever to sell the two houses we did own and we lost a lot of money on one of them. We decided to rent for the next few years." OR "Honey, I bought an Aston Martin." SLAP! No explanation necessary.*
Well, yesterday it went a little something like this: Me - "Honey, please slap me in the face when you get home from work for telling my mom we are doing IVF." DH - "I told you so." It all started with a phone call I got from her where she informed me that she had had a "panic attack" over my doctor's appointment yesterday. She was worried that 14 follicles meant 14 babies and what would we do with 14 babies and (get this) "Can they only take out two eggs and fertilize them?" She also made me explain several times over again things I've told her already. Really? Are these the types of questions I have to field the week before ER/ET? I have my own concerns to deal with without having to explain the process in detail to someone who clearly hasn't even tried to look up any information on their own and understand it. Part of me just has to let it go and tell myself that she loves me and is worried. Part of me wants to scream. I'll give you one guess which part is winning.
At any rate, I can't let it bother me. She called again today and started in with her interrogation and I just told her that I couldn't handle her stress on top of my own. I asked her if she had looked up IVF at all and she admitted that she hadn't. I told her to check out online resources and try to educate herself about the process. The internet is a mighty powerful thing. Just stop playing Farmville for a few minutes and read about it.
I found out yesterday that my estrogen is 381 and Dr. Awesome RE wants me to double up on my Menopur and I'm done with Follistim. I go back in tomorrow morning for another follie check/blood draw. I will be sure to update after!
*Please note: My husband has NEVER raised a hand to me and I do not condone those types of behavior by any means. I use the term in jest and he knows what I mean when I ask for this treatment. It's just me being dramatic. He does spank sometimes, but that is a completely different post altogether. ;)
Well, yesterday it went a little something like this: Me - "Honey, please slap me in the face when you get home from work for telling my mom we are doing IVF." DH - "I told you so." It all started with a phone call I got from her where she informed me that she had had a "panic attack" over my doctor's appointment yesterday. She was worried that 14 follicles meant 14 babies and what would we do with 14 babies and (get this) "Can they only take out two eggs and fertilize them?" She also made me explain several times over again things I've told her already. Really? Are these the types of questions I have to field the week before ER/ET? I have my own concerns to deal with without having to explain the process in detail to someone who clearly hasn't even tried to look up any information on their own and understand it. Part of me just has to let it go and tell myself that she loves me and is worried. Part of me wants to scream. I'll give you one guess which part is winning.
At any rate, I can't let it bother me. She called again today and started in with her interrogation and I just told her that I couldn't handle her stress on top of my own. I asked her if she had looked up IVF at all and she admitted that she hadn't. I told her to check out online resources and try to educate herself about the process. The internet is a mighty powerful thing. Just stop playing Farmville for a few minutes and read about it.
I found out yesterday that my estrogen is 381 and Dr. Awesome RE wants me to double up on my Menopur and I'm done with Follistim. I go back in tomorrow morning for another follie check/blood draw. I will be sure to update after!
*Please note: My husband has NEVER raised a hand to me and I do not condone those types of behavior by any means. I use the term in jest and he knows what I mean when I ask for this treatment. It's just me being dramatic. He does spank sometimes, but that is a completely different post altogether. ;)
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Follie Check Numero Uno
Happy Tuesday! I'm back from Florida and burnt to a crisp. I like it. I like it a lot. Happy to be back home and have so many exciting things coming up! Gonna be PUPO in a little over a week. It's crazy - all this waiting and then everything happens so quickly!
I had my first follie check this morning and according to Dr. Awesome RE, I am responding perfectly. I have 14 measurable follies. Eight in right and 6 in my left. They range from 6.2mm to 10.8mm. I am waiting to hear the results of my E2 to see if I need to change up my dosage on my medicines. So far, stimming has been okay. My belly looks like a pin cushion and I have this lovely Lupron bruise to contend with (i.e. try to inject around):
Follistim is very gentle. Menopur burns. I'm as hormonal as ever. Lucky DH. This morning I asked him if he had remembered to request off work for Monday. (My ER is scheduled for that day.) He responds with, "For what?" Needless to say, my head spun three times and pea soup went flying. Really? You can't remember what's going on next week? I can see if it were just a procedure how it might slip his mind, but OUR CHILDREN ARE GOING TO BE CONCEIVED THAT DAY. Please remember if only for that reason.
Am I crazy to get upset over that?
If your answer is yes, please don't answer.
I had my first follie check this morning and according to Dr. Awesome RE, I am responding perfectly. I have 14 measurable follies. Eight in right and 6 in my left. They range from 6.2mm to 10.8mm. I am waiting to hear the results of my E2 to see if I need to change up my dosage on my medicines. So far, stimming has been okay. My belly looks like a pin cushion and I have this lovely Lupron bruise to contend with (i.e. try to inject around):
Follistim is very gentle. Menopur burns. I'm as hormonal as ever. Lucky DH. This morning I asked him if he had remembered to request off work for Monday. (My ER is scheduled for that day.) He responds with, "For what?" Needless to say, my head spun three times and pea soup went flying. Really? You can't remember what's going on next week? I can see if it were just a procedure how it might slip his mind, but OUR CHILDREN ARE GOING TO BE CONCEIVED THAT DAY. Please remember if only for that reason.
Am I crazy to get upset over that?
If your answer is yes, please don't answer.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
BCP, Lupron, and Airport Injections
See that?! My last lone birth control pill will be taken tonight and another chapter in this IVF story will be in the books. I started Lupron injections three days ago and while it's not my favorite thing to do, waking up and sticking myself with a needle, it's not horrible either. DH even sat in for yesterday's injection. I think he thinks I'm a rockstar. I kind of feel like one.
In other news, I am making a previously unplanned trip back east next week. My good friend, Kass, her dad is quickly losing his battle with throat cancer and I'm unsure whether he'll still be hanging on or already gone when I get there. Regardless, she needs me and I'm there. Sometimes I think texting and talking does less than sitting together and holding a hand in silence. She would do the same for me - I have no doubt.
I called Delta yesterday and spoke with a representative about my Lupron and my needles. She said they were okay to bring on with me as carry on as long as everything was still in its original manufacturer's packaging and I had a letter from my doctor saying that I am under his care and taking these medicines. I thought I would pass that information along to you in case you ever needed to know! I'm glad they can stay with me because I will need to inject myself when I get to Memphis that morning! That should be fun.
I hope everyone is having a great week and I am going to continue to enjoy this beautiful sunshine and the fact that (so far) Lupron has been kind and not dealt me too many side effects. I'm a little crabby, but I'm always a little crabby, so who knows?! :)
Monday, February 14, 2011
Dear Hubby,
(Please bear with me reader - when I set out to write this post, I was thinking of Tupac's "Dear Momma" and I just remembered that I'm awful at rhyme and now the following entry will not live up to previous lofty expectations. Sighs.)
Dear Hubby,
Happy Valentine's Day. I love you so much I bought you slippers and one of those sports bracelets that helps with balance and circulation. I have to admit, I was a little skeptical at first about the whole "improves sports performance" guarantee, but the kiosk dude at the mall did a little demo and it really worked. I stand corrected. Anyway, I also stood in line at your favorite bakery at the high noon for twenty five minutes just to get you your favorite red velvet cupcake. I'll probably let you see me naked tonight as well, but that's going to wrap up Valentines festivities for you, kind sir.
I also wanted to take this opportunity to be really nice to you, as it seems that the real Aub is leaving tomorrow and I don't know when she'll be back. I have a feeling that once I stick that little needle into my belly I could be gone for the next three weeks (maybe longer) and I felt it fair warning to tell you that my replacement is going to be mean. Very hormonal. She's going to complain a lot about headaches and hot flashes. She may wake you up angry because you're sleeping soundly while she sweats to death next to you. I heard she cries. A lot. And curses under her breath. Enjoy the rare tender moments with her and check for knives when she pulls you in for a hug. She'll most definitely remind you constantly that she's losing her mind and that it's unfair that she has to be chemically altered while you stay the same and that her contribution to this joint effort includes needles while yours involves a sterile cup and an orgasm. I recommend not talking unless spoken to by her and steal opportunities to work late or better yet, just go out of town for work.
She won't tell you this, but she owes 90%+ of her happiness over the last ten years to you and your efforts in making this relationship work. Because there were plenty of times that we could have called it quits and walked away from what we have, but I think you and I are both better people for staying. We got all sorts of good stuff here. And the best part of us is definitely our babies. I can't wait to have more of those with you.
Please bear with my replacement Aub. I promise to return soon!
Love Always,
Tuesday<3
P.S. It's a good thing that no sexy time whatsoever will go into the making of these babies because that's not something you'll want to do with replacement Aub. *shakes head emphatically*
Dear Hubby,
Happy Valentine's Day. I love you so much I bought you slippers and one of those sports bracelets that helps with balance and circulation. I have to admit, I was a little skeptical at first about the whole "improves sports performance" guarantee, but the kiosk dude at the mall did a little demo and it really worked. I stand corrected. Anyway, I also stood in line at your favorite bakery at the high noon for twenty five minutes just to get you your favorite red velvet cupcake. I'll probably let you see me naked tonight as well, but that's going to wrap up Valentines festivities for you, kind sir.
I also wanted to take this opportunity to be really nice to you, as it seems that the real Aub is leaving tomorrow and I don't know when she'll be back. I have a feeling that once I stick that little needle into my belly I could be gone for the next three weeks (maybe longer) and I felt it fair warning to tell you that my replacement is going to be mean. Very hormonal. She's going to complain a lot about headaches and hot flashes. She may wake you up angry because you're sleeping soundly while she sweats to death next to you. I heard she cries. A lot. And curses under her breath. Enjoy the rare tender moments with her and check for knives when she pulls you in for a hug. She'll most definitely remind you constantly that she's losing her mind and that it's unfair that she has to be chemically altered while you stay the same and that her contribution to this joint effort includes needles while yours involves a sterile cup and an orgasm. I recommend not talking unless spoken to by her and steal opportunities to work late or better yet, just go out of town for work.
She won't tell you this, but she owes 90%+ of her happiness over the last ten years to you and your efforts in making this relationship work. Because there were plenty of times that we could have called it quits and walked away from what we have, but I think you and I are both better people for staying. We got all sorts of good stuff here. And the best part of us is definitely our babies. I can't wait to have more of those with you.
Please bear with my replacement Aub. I promise to return soon!
Love Always,
Tuesday<3
P.S. It's a good thing that no sexy time whatsoever will go into the making of these babies because that's not something you'll want to do with replacement Aub. *shakes head emphatically*
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Weird Dreams and A Sock Ninja
Day 19 of my cycle. Sixteen birth control pills down, eight to go. That's about all in this infertiles world right now. If that's all you're interested in, I recommend not reading the rest of this post. But if you're in for some good old-fashioned hilarity, read on.
I had some weird dreams last night. Most I can't remember, but a few of their details linger enough to make me wonder what I had eaten before bed to make such strangeness materialize in my subconscious. One particular dream that happened after the "sock ninja" incident, which I'll inform you of next, was that I delivered my twins at the hospital and we were being discharged and DH came to pick us up in a Prius. He had "surprised" me by trading in our Pilot (eight passengers) for a Prius (four passengers) after I delivered twins bringing our total family members to six. Needless to say, I was irate in the dream, but still woke up happy because I had a dream about my babies!! I can't wait for them. March 19th cannot come soon enough, I say.
So, while the dreams were strange, my real life sleep actions last night were definitely stranger. I woke up around 4 a.m. and realized I was clutching onto a tube of chap stick in one hand and one of DH's socks in the other. How random is that?! Bear in mind, I went to sleep with neither. What's even funnier is that DH was missing a sock when he woke up! WTF? Did I strip him of his sock in the middle of the night? Where did the chap stick come from? Am I sleep walking? As my good friend Kara brought up, am I talking while I'm carrying on these strange antics? I need some sleep surveillance at the very least.
I'm so Raoul Duke sometimes...
I had some weird dreams last night. Most I can't remember, but a few of their details linger enough to make me wonder what I had eaten before bed to make such strangeness materialize in my subconscious. One particular dream that happened after the "sock ninja" incident, which I'll inform you of next, was that I delivered my twins at the hospital and we were being discharged and DH came to pick us up in a Prius. He had "surprised" me by trading in our Pilot (eight passengers) for a Prius (four passengers) after I delivered twins bringing our total family members to six. Needless to say, I was irate in the dream, but still woke up happy because I had a dream about my babies!! I can't wait for them. March 19th cannot come soon enough, I say.
So, while the dreams were strange, my real life sleep actions last night were definitely stranger. I woke up around 4 a.m. and realized I was clutching onto a tube of chap stick in one hand and one of DH's socks in the other. How random is that?! Bear in mind, I went to sleep with neither. What's even funnier is that DH was missing a sock when he woke up! WTF? Did I strip him of his sock in the middle of the night? Where did the chap stick come from? Am I sleep walking? As my good friend Kara brought up, am I talking while I'm carrying on these strange antics? I need some sleep surveillance at the very least.
I'm so Raoul Duke sometimes...
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