Thursday, December 2, 2010

"But...They're Going to Cut My Boys....Again"

The title to this post was DH's simple, clear statement of the reason he didn't want to have another child. It came after months of dead-end conversations that left me wondering what was so bad about kids that made him so resistant.  Was it me? Were there deeper problems, like in our marriage, that I had no clue about?  What was going on??  Here, none of the above. The poor guy just didn't want to have his boys cut.....again.

I found myself in a precarious position. I've always been able to talk my hubby into this or that, but no way could I or would I pressure him into going under the knife again. I'm spoiled, but I'm no monster.  The thing is, I couldn't make him want to do anything he wasn't willing to do and he couldn't make me stop wanting to have a child.  What a terrible crossroads to find ourselves at.  It was a very sad and confusing time for both of us.

Two months went by and I found myself growing sadder and sadder. I had joy in my two sons. I genuinely loved being a homemaker. I liked having friends over and entertaining. I loved my husband, but felt a distance with him that I never had felt before. It was like I was mourning something I never even had.  So, it came as a complete surprise to me on a February day before DS1 turned 8 and there was an epic amount of snow on the ground (26 inches, I think!) when DH re-opened the conversation about baby #3. Without saying a word, I listened to him pour his heart out on the subject and agree to see a urologist for a consultation. I just couldn't believe it.  This was really happening. We were really taking our first steps here!

Two weeks later, we had our consultation. The urologist felt that DH was a good candidate for reversal and we were informed that our insurance would cover it all! That was such a blessing considering the procedure was more than $6000. We were asked to go home and discuss it more and call back for scheduling, which we did. I was just happy to be having a conversation with DH that didn't lead to trailed off sentences and blank stares. We were communicating, really communicating and it felt so, so good.

Surprisingly, and even DH would agree with this: the surgery went off without a hitch. He told me more than once that the recovery was easier for the reversal than the original vasectomy.  He did great, returned to work within a week, and had zero complications.  Only one question remained:  Did it work?

Well, of course it did. The nurse from the urologists office happily told us there were "plenty of swimmers."  It was officially time to get busy making a baby. :)


  1. Yay for lots of swimmers! I love how he just brought the subject back up and surprised you with it! :)

  2. Wow! I just checked out your fertility page...that's dedication! Colored-coded charts and graphs hurt my brain, so I have no idea what it all means but it's clear how vested you are in this endeavour. DH too. I wish you both the best!