Tuesday, December 28, 2010

A Sprinke of Hope....A Dash of Defeat

Yesterday I went for my u/s and walked out with a prescription for Femara (Letrozole) 2.5 mg.  The u/s went great, everything looked good. No cysts on the ovaries, uterine lining thin. I'll be taking my first pill sometime this evening and working on containing my hope.  At least, that's what my RE's nurse thinks I should do.

I told her that I would like to take a peek at everything next week around ovulation time to see how I responded to the medicine. In my mind, I'd hate to go through this cycle thinking that I was taking some magic pill only to find out that nothing happened. I told her that I'd rather know every step of the way because I had a lot of hope for this cycle to be "the one." That's when she brought me back down to the world of uncertainty and self-loathing.  "Don't get your hopes up too much. Your chances are about the same as anyone who's body is functioning normally. 20%."

Uhh....but my body hasn't been functioning normally.  So 20% IS an improvement. Right? Am I right?  Thanks for pissing in my cheerios, chica. When does my doctor get back, by the way?  Why is there always that rogue wave knocking you down?  I know I shouldn't invest too much stock into what she says, but she's an RE's nurse. She sees people get their hopes up and dashed every month - month after month. I guess I should be thankful for her dose of reality. This may not be the month.

But I hope it is.


  1. I've learned that, from many seemingly rude comments, that those in the RE profession don't see infertility struggles as we do. It's emotional. It's consuming. To us. We're constantly looking for answers, for comfort, for a baby! But, as I found out with my last Doc (Doc Jerk face), that this is their job and they've learned through way too many difficult confrontations that being pessimistic is the best way to go. It offers us little information and little hope, but assures that we will not come back and yell at them for telling us that we'd get pregnant by looking magically into DH's eyes while taking the powerful pill of baby making.

    Here's to 20%, my friend! And one little, perfect baby. Keep me updated!

  2. Aub-I am excited for you femara cycle, so i can only imagine how you feel. Dont let the nurse bring you down. Hoping that this cycle is"the one". Good Luck!

  3. I'm also hoping this is it! Damn nurses! Good luck!!

  4. Thanks girls! Yeah, I'm not going to let it get me too down. As if her telling me not to get my hopes will keep me from getting my hopes up. I could be sitting on the toilet, just getting my period, crying, and STILL feel hopeful for the next cycle. LOL! :)