Friday, April 8, 2011

Bad Dreams...

I tend to dream a lot when I'm really tired. It makes sense that in pregnancy I would dream more because by the time my head hits the pillow at night, I'm exhausted.  For the last ten or more nights, I've been dreaming a lot.

A few days ago, I realized that my friend Jenn's visit was coiniciding with Cinco de Mayo. I sent her a text and we talked a little about it and she playfully said, "No cocktails for you, mama!"  I agreed that this year, I would be DD.  Well, last night I dreamed about Cinco de Mayo and I was having margaritas with her...

DH and I are going away for our ten year anniversary in July and the whole trip is a big surprise to me. I know that there is a trip, but I have no clue where we are going and don't plan on knowing until we get on the plane.  I dreamed last night that we went to Italy and we were both having wine and eating pizza in Naples.

Not horrible dreams by any means - celebrating with my husband and having some drinks with a grilfriend, but the point was - I wasn't pregnant.  By the time, May rolled around (in my dream) I was having a few drinks. My mind is playing horrible tricks on me. Making me even more fearful that this will all end either at my next beta or at my first ultrasound.  Why can't there ever be peace of mind? Will there always be something unnecessary to worry about? Obviously, throughout pregnancy there are many worries because so much can go wrong, but DH and I are feeling robbed of the simple joy of being pregnant and looking forward. 

I feel like I'm stuck until the 18th. It's very frustrating.

**Asking that everyone please keep my close friend in your thoughts and prayers - she's been struggling to conceive for many years and is taking a few months off from TTC and moving on to IVF in the late summer.**


  1. Its completely unfair that you cant just enjoy this time. Praying the 18th gets here quickly and gives you peace of mind!!

  2. Thanks, Travica. I hope I don't sound ungrateful. That wasn't my intention at all. I am so thankful to be pregnant, but with so much uncertainty surrounding what's going on in there, I'm having a difficult time feeling attached. That's the part that I really hate. Not feeling like I can start bonding until I know for sure...

  3. I felt the same way when I was newly pregnant... I think it's impossible not to feel that way unfortunately when you've either had a loss or had to REALLY work to conceive.

    It will get better though and you will enjoy the pregnancy more than most. It's kind of special that way actually. :)

    Praying the 18th comes fast!

  4. Come on APRIL 18th!!!!!!! Praying for you!